You may have recently asked yourself this very question! At this very critical age, brains are growing, changing, and adapting at a rapid pace. Below is a link to a video that explains this concept and separates the brain into 2 parts: the thinking brain and the emotional brain.
Spoiler Alert: The thinking brain doesn’t fully develop until we are in our mid 20s and full development takes longer for boys than girls.
This video along with the hand model of the brain below has changed how I speak to our students and my own teen (16) and preteen (9) at home.
For me, I try to remember this when students and my own children make poor decisions. It certainly does not fix the situation and cannot be used as an excuse; however, it does help me take a step back to reflect prior to reacting and taking it personally. This age has been the hardest to parent, but it has also been the most rewarding!
Take my 16 year old daughter (I did ask if I could share this!)
who just earned her driver’s license. We had a car issue (she did…twice…in the first 2 weeks). When we first tried to talk about it, she was definitely reacting with her emotional brain. We were not making any progress towards understanding the situation, learning from the mistake, or finding a solution!
This is often called ‘flipping your lid’ (as demonstrated in the graphic).
I tried to assure her that it would be OK, but we could not work to solve the problem until she could visually and verbally demonstrate she was in her thinking brain. We eventually got there, but it certainly took patience and understanding on my end and, reflecting back, I could have done even more to support her in the midst of the flip. To be fair, I too had ‘flipped’, but got it out of my system before arriving home. We all have our moments.
In the end, students at this age will stumble, fall, crashout, find balance, and repeat multiple times over. It’s about how we engage with them to help them learn from these missteps to become the best young adults they can.
